White House Insiders Dismayed that they they’re only working at UNCLASSIFIED

In a shock announcement that has left many White House staff confused and anxious, House Press Secretary Josh Earnest has revealed that they have only been working at security level UNCLASSIFIED for years.

The announcement came after it was revealed that a Advanced Persistent Threat attack, possibly from Russia, had successfully breached the White House Executive Network.

“In the course of assessing recent threats, we identified activity of concern on the unclassified Executive Office of the President network. We took immediate measures to evaluate and mitigate the activity.” Whitehouse Security Spokesperson

White House Staffers soon took to social media to voice their dismay.


“I always thought that the work we were doing was of strategic, national importance,” admitted one White House Staffer. “Now it seems that that was all just a delusion.”

“We’re no more special that the front page of Ebay,” said another staffer who asked not to be identified.

Despite early indications showing that the hack wasn’t carried out by Russia, the investigation continues.