SOCHI, RU. To Mark the end of the Sochi Paralympics, the Russian Olympic Committee announced today that the closing ceremony would include over 3000 performers, 9600 fireworks and the invasion of the major independent nation state.
“We felt that it was important to honor the tradition set for the 1980 Moscow Olympics which we celebrated by in the invasion and 10-year-old occupation of Afghanistan,” remarked a senior Committee official. “For obvious reasons that venue wasn’t available to us, but we think we found one [in the Ukraine] much better.”
At a pricetag of $50 billion, the Sochi games is seen by many as a celebration of Russia’s past greatness and hopes for future glory.
“The Olympics were very important for us,” stressed President Putin to Reuters, “because it seems to me … that they not only opened Russia’s door but opened Russia’s soul, the soul of our nation - so that people looked and saw that there is nothing to fear.”
According to sources, the closing ceremony will begin with 200 gymnasts performing a series of back flips, followed by 5000 heavily armed troops in BTR-80 wheeled amphibious armored personnel carriers annexing the Crimea Region. Shortly after, there will be a stirring performance by the Kuban Cossack Choir and a heavily rigged referendum that is said to have already failed international monitoring standards.
“I’m really quite excited”, giggled the official. “It’s just like when I was a boy.”