CIA Langley

CIA Promise to reveal all following CIA Senate Spying Allegations

LANGLEY, VA.  Following revelations by Senate Intelligence Committee chairperson Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) that the CIA have ­been secretly monitoring computers used by the committee’s members, a spokesperson for the CIA has promised to co-operate fully and transparently with the inquiry into the reasons the CIA broke his promise to co-operate fully and transparently with the…

Sochi Olympics marked by Invasion

Russians Mark Olympic Closing Ceremony with Invasion of Major Nation State

SOCHI, RU.  To Mark the end of the Sochi Paralympics, the Russian Olympic Committee announced today that the closing ceremony would include over 3000 performers, 9600 fireworks and the invasion of the major independent nation state. “We felt that it was important to honor the tradition set for the 1980 Moscow Olympics which we celebrated…

April 3, 2014 in News.
Facebook Everything is Awesome

Facebook buy Investment Bubble Prediction Firm for $2.2b

MENIO PARK, CA.  Concerned that their own acquisition of 42 web and technology companies in 4 years may be driving up the cost of future acquisitions, Facebook (FB - NASDAQ), announced today the $2.2b acquisition of a firm specializing in the prediction of web and technology acquisition bubbles. The firm, a Boston based analytics firm…

March 31, 2014 in Facebook, News.
CERN finds hole at bottom of the barrel

Scientists Warn of Hole in Bottom of Barrel

GENEVA.  In a press conference held near the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva, particle physicists confirmed the existence of a hole in the bottom of the collective barrel.  Suspected for some time, this discovery confirms many suspicions about the human gene pool, it’s diversity and competence. “We knew we’d been scraping at the bottom of…

March 25, 2014 in News.
Amazon the Devil

Is Amazon in League with Lucifer?

Amazon accused of witchcraft and devilry following a marked improvement in its product suggestion engine.

March 15, 2014 in News.
Image of brain thinking about sex

Supercomputer models one second of human brain activity, finds it thinking about sex

JAPAN.  In a seminal moment for Artificial Intelligence researchers and neuroscientists around the world, a team in Japan has succeeded in simulating one second of normal brain activity using the K Supercomputer cluster. The cluster, consisting of over 700, 000 processors and 1.4 million Gb of RAM, took 40 minutes to carry out the feat. …

January 16, 2014 in News.
Whales 10-7-10

Whale to be pieced back together following suspicious explosion

BEVERLEY BEACH, FL.  In an attempt to establish beyond reasonable doubt the cause of death of the Blue Whale at the center of an explosion last week, Forensic Investigators began today the long, thankless task of piecing it back together. The Whale allegedly died immediately before or during an explosion in the early hours of…

January 5, 2014 in Creep Out, News.

NORAD shot down Santa in 1950s - new revelations

COLORDO SPRINGS.  Following news that NORAD track Santa, Colonel David Regix, Duty Officer at NORAD in the 1950s,  admitted under questioning that the USAF had successfully intercepted and destroyed Santa, with reindeers and sleigh, in 1955. “It was necessary, this was the Cold War,” admitted the retired Colonel.  “Every year he used to come over,…

December 11, 2013 in News.

Microsoft set new minimum password length at 18770 characters

REDMOND, WA.  Microsoft today confirmed that they will now be enforcing a previous password policy which requires users to set a password of at least 18,770 characters in length, and not repeat any of the previous 30689 passwords created by the user.   The Microsoft policy found here marks an increase in the security requirements set by…

November 18, 2013 in News.

Anonymous hacker attacks Anonymous hacker

INTERNET.  After a presumed deep insult off-net, a hacker referring to himself as ‘Anonymous’ has sworn to erase all mention of his sworn enemy, a hacker going by the name ‘Anonymous’, from history. The war between the hacktivists has already started in earnest, with all posts from Anonymous to a forum set up by Anonymous…