German Chancellor proposes Cryogenically Freezing the Greeks until Economic Outlook Improves

BERLIN.  In an unusual press conference, German Chancellor Angela Merkel has proposed putting the Greek Nation into cryogenic suspension until the world economy improves.

The scheme, to be paid for by the European Central Bank, would see the 11m people of Greece undergo a process of suspended animation, where their hearts would be systematically stopped with potassium-salt and their blood replaced with an anti-crystalizing fluid before their bodies were finally submerged in liquid nitrogen.

“It’s quite safe,” insisted Hans Berber, the Head of Advanced Economic Projects at Berlin University.  “It also makes perfect sense.  Over time the hyper-inflation that’s likely to follow the Greek default will devalue both savings and their national debt.  This process should take around 10 years.  If the mass of the population can be kept in cryogenic suspension for this time we will not only spare them the angst and uncertainty of the civil disruption that would follow, but also avoid running up any further bills.  Win-win, really.”

According to Jeremy Pathon, CEO of the lead contractor Cryogenics Now, it will be essential for the freezing procedure to be conducted as quickly as possible.

“I know it’s tricky, but we really should be getting on with this now, rather than waiting for legislation.  Time’s a ticking, and the bill isn’t getting smaller.”

While acknowledging that it was an unusual way to deal with economic crisis, Ms Merkel did offer some hope.  “We can always revive early those involved in tourism and hospitality,” she offered.  “If we felt like an early holiday.”

 

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